Not sure who will read this. Usually I am not the big story teller with posts. But seeing as how I am still stuck with vista and without lineage I have time...Plus I just realized it is my two year lineage anniversary.
WOW is fun in its own way but I have to admit I know understand what people mean about lineage being totally unique in the gamer world. Our entire server is not as large as my ONE guild in WOW. At any time 100 people can be on in the guild. I am not sure we have 100 Real players on at the same time very much in lineage.
I tried to explain the ken server to the WOW peeps and they just dont get it. Best way I could think was to say that it was like high school in a small town. Everyone in game knows everyone and has for years. And all the clicks..
Then I started to really break that down in my head and felt a little sick...lol.because I miss lineage, ok not the skank adena buyer click but I miss the rest of you.
Some of you are almost family. You helped me through such a tough year and stood by me through everything. I miss you.
But sadly missing you dosnt help the computer get fixed faster or help me with my other issues with lineage.
Maybe it is time I graduated from Lineage.
I have no desire to deal with skank ho again. She repulses me but its funny really you would think that someone evil enough to wish that someone close to me died in pain would of caused me to leave lineage. But like the dead girl issue I got over that fast. I mostly feel sorry for skank ho and dead girl and friends.
I cant see how they are not going to burn in hell they are so evil. Or if you dont believe in hell then karma will bite them big time some day. I know they will get what is coming to them in the end. Evil breads Evil.
No that isnt what keeps me away from playing.
The other thing though...I dont even understand it. Nor did I expect it. I guess skank and company should of just paid him off to run me off earlier. Apparently it would of worked.
I thought about apologizing to him but honestly ...meh.. I thought of him as a friend. I would apologize to a friend for sure..."sorry if I offended you some how" but a friend would come to you and say "hey your pissing me off"
He just acts like a punk...a rude punk...and then how long he dragged it on...how he went about it. It was cruel.
I donno. How can you call someone like that a friend?
But I dont really care if my other friends do. Complicated...lol..and like I said a lot like high school.
Its kidna like well he was there first so they are more his friends than mine.
And also complicated because I actually LIKED him. But then again at one time I liked skank and dead girl and adena buyer. So honestly I think all I can come up with here is I have horrible taste in friends?!!?
Who the hell would read this? If you got this far dude I am so sorry!
I am writing it down because it kind of came as a Epiphany tonight and I wanted to preserve it.
I think I have something to learn here. A lesson. I donno it might be important somehow later in life. I regret not keeping some of the dead girl stuff up. It was also an amazing lesson. To learn that people could be that EVIL. At the time I didnt want to give her the attention but now I think I should of saved it so other people could see the lesson too.
Who knows I will probably take this down too.
To my x11 peeps I know my sudden pull back seems kinda moody to you but understand that I have no intention of taking this into the pledge (hence why I left pledge with my mage) it is personal and not meant to involve you.
I dont think this is like the skank ho issue. No need to take sides. He was cruel and hurt my feelings but it was NOTHING like a breach of privacy or cruel to the effect that he went after my illness or family. He did what he felt was right by cutting me off.
Chalk it up to me being over sensitive which is true :)
I just feel betrayed by this and think I will stay away longer than I originally intended.
I felt the need to explain. Although I doubt any of you even come to this blog anymore.
The whole sleeping with sk8 and cosa thing and all. Sorry we cant just all get along! But seeing as how my choice to stay in Credence seems to put me on the side of sleeping with the enemy I guess I have no choice but to say this here.
It sounds like I am saying goodbye. I am not sure If I am or not. I just felt I couldn't leave this all un said anymore.
I have some personal messages for people. If any one of you do read this could you please pass this along to the rest.
I miss you doel. I should be mad at x11 for stealing you away from me. I was so lucky to have you all to myself for so long. But I have to say I get a chuckle out of how well you fit in there and am very glad you followed me and found such great friends for yourself. I could take up a whole page thanking you for your friendship these last few years. I value it more than anything I can currently think of. I swear your my missing big brother. I hope I never loose touch with you and your two girls. Not just because I wanna try and steal your wife but because you all truly mean that much to me.
Cainna there is a place in my head that speaks in your voice that is telling me all sorts of things at odd times. I miss you more than I think you realize. You kept me grounded and honest. I loved your intensity and valued your friendship and advice. I was always slightly in awe of your tenacity and hope some of that rubbed off on me. Everyone needs to know a Cainna, it humbles you.
Roo, oh Roo. I miss you! You made me smile every time. Your ego was awe inspiring as well but completely and totally deserved. Your my hero and I hope someday I get to meet you I have a feeling that in person you will be truly breath taking. All that energy and zest for life. Thank you for giving me a home Roo when I was so broken and felt so alone. Your pledge protected me and built me back up. I would not be the person I am today if you had not let me into your incredible lil group. I dont think there are words to express how much it means to me. X11 was my sun on the cloudiest of days. My salvation and my knight in shining armor all rolled into one. Thank you.
Mr.C you are the "vork" of x11 for me I have to say. I know Roo should get that but something about you just "lead" me. Your calm and understanding was not always deserved but was always there. Thank you. You always knew what to say and how to keep me calm. It is a gift sir.
Tikie is my Hero! Oh Tikie you are so funny. Brilliant with your one liners. You and Goat kept me rolling in tears some nights. Toss some tenga in there and I about wet my pants sometimes. I hope you find some great beer times and life treats you well.
Kah you became my friend and helped me through some incredible grief. I will always thank you for that. Granted we didnt really need to grieve but you still held my hand through it. You are such an amazing soul. I only wish you saw yourself as clearly as we see you. You can do anything Joe. I believe that with all of my heart. I miss you. I hope you come visit me sometimes on wow.
I might get brave enough to jump on teamspeak writing all this stuff and remembering all that you guys have been to me makes me think I could tonight. All this just made me miss you guys more. But in case I dont have the guts to deal with ....well that other issue...at least I got it said here.
I guess on the eve of my two year lineage anniversary this needed to be said.
I re read this and realize this has such a ring of a "goodbye letter" I am not sure that is my intention. This is just how all of this came out tonight.
love,
CrystalJean